My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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