Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
