just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
