He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
