I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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