There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
