I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
