I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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