She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
