perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
