when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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