would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
