Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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