I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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