Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
