The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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