dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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