I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
