I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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