Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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