3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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