i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
