It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
