He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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