this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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