In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
