allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
