i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize