It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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