Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
