Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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