Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
