Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This girl is more easily done than said...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
