He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
