Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
