No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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