the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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