I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
