Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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