Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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