girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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