My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
