just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
