we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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