we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize