i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
