yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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