Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
