Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
