Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
