Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
