i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize