wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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