I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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