the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
