dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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