I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
