he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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