Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hippo gnu deer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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