I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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