She is in my trunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
