i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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