My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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